Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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