Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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