when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
