he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
