just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
