its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
