I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize