I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
