Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
