Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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