my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I supernannyed him into submission
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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