Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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