I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
