Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
