Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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