They should really pass out barf bags in church
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
