I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
