Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize