the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
