I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
