how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
