Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I party with great urgency now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize