I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
