I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize