im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
