dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize