Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
