your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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