Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
