she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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