he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
