So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
