She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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