I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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