Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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