I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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