rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
