i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
