white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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