you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
