But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
