Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
