How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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