Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
