Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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