...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
