i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
