If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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