Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Text me some of your sweat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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