How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
