Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
