so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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