there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
