My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
