guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
