Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize