hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
