She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need to sanitize my soul.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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