you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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