I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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