Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
