morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
