the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
