I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
