I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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