I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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