The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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