I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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