Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
