Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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