that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
